I find myself saying "I want kill myself" A LOT

Things go bad with dad & I lose it, my sister & I just fight our whole life, etc. & it leads me to get suicidal. Anger & Violence I am very Sensitive to & crawl up in a little ball to escape it. I will not fight back back. I have a strong voice, that's all I use as a weapon. It's getting pretty bad. If only I could live by myself again, I could truly get things done.